DIABETES & DEPRESSION

DIABETES & DEPRESSION

I think about my diabetes a lot. 

I think about the difference it has made in my life.  I think about the changes I have and should make because of it.  I think about what I want to eat, then about what I SHOULD eat.  I think about living not quite as long as I could have because I have this disease.  I think about the days I don’t feel well, and the glorious days when I do.  I think about the medicine I take to help keep it under control.  I think about the side effects – and the side effects of not taking the meds.  I worry about my feet getting a little numb – about my vision changing.  I think about my weight every morning, knowing that each pound that leaves will make me better – and each pound that comes, counteracts what leaves.  I think of preparing to see my doctor every three months, sometimes being grateful I just saw him so I don’t worry about test results as much; sometimes worrying about test results because I will be seeing him soon.  I think about my fingers, a lot, when they get sore from poking.  But the soreness compares little to the numbers, when they aren’t good.  And  when the numbers are good – Halleluiah!   I think about what the future might hold – especially when I see what it holds for others.  I become frightened ----- then finally turn it over to God after all that I can do.  My diabetes is just a part of me I have to accept and manage.

I think about what trying to manage diabetes has taught me.  It has taught me self-control and discipline.  It has helped me appreciate a body I once liked very little.  It has given me understanding for the pain others have to bare.  It has given me a sense of mortality, and because of that, a reality check on immortality.  It has helped me have faith – in myself – in God.  It has made me aware of life – the little and big things.  I treasure each new experience more than ever before the diabetes.  I have come to know myself better – and LIKE myself better.  I have come to know God better – and feel His love more. 

All this because of diabetes.

I think about my depression a lot – even more than I do diabetes.